So i def. have been MIA for quite sometime, and i am deeply sorry... Things got a little rough... So i will do a really quick update... I got e coli and was hospitalized for a week.. come to find out my chemo caused the ecoli... still continued the chemo.. a month later ended up having a bacterial blood infection caused by my port, had my port removed... and a new one placed.... come to find out the chemo is no longer working... and so today i signed papers to do this clinical trial chemo in hopes that it will shrink the tumors, or stop the growth of the tumors.. It hasnt been tested on humans just been tested in the labs... so we will see how this works for 2months and if nessecary we have one more option... and that would be to go back to the chemo i had when i was 10.. which caused me to be sick and loose my hair.. but if thats what must happen to beat this again then so be it.. im ready.. and im going in with the positive attitude that this chemo (clinical trial) is going to work...

So thats just a little update on me... I will try n post more frequently now that im not going to be going back n forth to the dr. office...

so day 2 of chemo is over....... I feel ok.... just really weak.... Not liking this.... i knew it was gonn abe rough... but gosh day 2 and feeling like this....... can't bee to good........ im still in AMAZING spirits and stuff......

Found out that my "guy friend" is going to have to go back home. ( Las Vegas).... can't say im the happiest about it...... but i completely understand  y.......... and no Preston im not letting that effect me too much~!

so time to go lay in bed and watch NCSI (if i make it through it...)

So the day is here........ chemo starts in just a few hrs.~! I have it everyday for 2 weeks and then off for 2 weeks........ I got my port placed on the 15th and chemo starts on today~! I will update when i get back~!

"Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot destroy peace.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
It cannot conquer the spirit..."

My thoughts.. right now.... all i want to do is scream.... as some may know my cancer is back... results from the PET scan... not what i wantedd to hear but just another hurdle the devil is trying to throw in my way.... He must have forgotten i ran track.. lol.. and had to run hurdles in heels b\c i left my running shoes one day.. lol

I meet witht the chemo doc. on the 14th to see when im gonna get started... but im sooo ready.. this sitting around is killing me...... the fighter hates to just sit around.....  but im gaining the strenth i need to kick some ass~!!

So today at 12:15 my life changed........ the phone rings mom comes in turns off the tv and the doctor speaks........ The results from the biopsy has came back..........

Ok lets back up for a bit... many of you did not know that the past 8 days up to friday i spent in the hospital........ i went in on the 18th.... with complaints of back/ side pains... with a fever of 103.2 F...... susspected it to be my appendix...... they did tests and 4 hrs later after chest xrays, and an abdominal ct they come back n tell me they have found 2 spots on my liver and a spot on my lung.... later that week they took a biposy of one of the spots on my liver,  it came back... just abnormal white cells, so 2 days later the do a biopsy of the spot on the lung....  Tuesday night i spike a fever or 104... get to be packed in ice.... this whole week i am on antiboitics... and just treating what they think is an infection.... friday rolls around and no news......... i told the doc that if he was comfortable with me leaving on friday i wanted to leave b\c my best friend was getting married and i was in the wedding...... so he agreed that my counts were good... and no fever and i got some pain meds, some antibiotics and if i felt bad to take them... see what happends and if not change to come back into the hospital......... so i left friday....... got to be in my best friends wedding and so here we sit......... sunday afternoon....

the doc gets on the phone and says the results have come back........ it is cancer...... in both the liver and my right lung.......... so now we meet with the doc sometime this week and hash out a plan...... chemo? rads? surgery? combo of them who knows......... Thats all i know right now........ I'm just trying to take it all in......... i have cried, more today than i think i have ever..... i have had to call some of the most SPECIAL, AMAZING, FAITHFUL people i know, and tell them, cry with them, question with them,  and at times sit in slince with them....

at this point im NUMB!! i scared, im anxious, im sick to my tummy, but i know i have such an amzing support group im gona beat this yet again~!!!

I have been a fighter for 12 years and this is just another battle~!!!!!!! i will keep u up to date with any news.......

in the ring again......... waitng for the bell~!!!!

So i am IN LOVE with the new song out by various artist's that is playin the radio~! you should go check out the song on youtube.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3flZOtaOtg&NR=1 it's GREAT!! they are doing a special on tv on Sept. 5 and the song goes on sale on itunes i think on the 2nd of Sept. and ALL proceeds go to cancer research~!! it's truly amazing~!

Just Stand Up' to cancer

performers:

Ashanti
Beyoncé
Carrie Underwood
Ciara
Fergie
Keyshia Cole
LeAnn Rimes
Leona Lewis
Mariah Carey
Mary J Blige
Melissa Etheridge
Miley Cyrus
Natasha Bedingfield
Rihanna
Sheryl Crow


LYRICS:

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you think
It's like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can't it finds a way to still push on, though

Carrie: Sometimes you want to run away
Ain't got the patience for the pain
And if you don't believe it look into
your heart the beat goes on

Rihanna/Miley: I'm tellin' you that
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don't let up

Sheryl: Don't you know you can go be your own miracle

Beyonce: You need to know

CHORUS
Sheryl: If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up

Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to be
questioning, wondering what is what
Don't give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Fergie: It's like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Leona: Just because you go through it

Fergie: Don't mean it got to take control, no

Leona: You ain't gotta find no hiding place

Keyshia: Because the heart can beat the hate

Leona: Don't wanna let your mind keep playin' you

Keyshia: And sayin' you can't go on

Rihanna: I'm tellin' you that

Miley: Things get better
Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall

Miley: Dust if off, don't let up

LeAnn: Don't you know you

Natasha: Can go

LeAnn: Be your own

Natasha: Miracle

Carrie: You need to know

Ensemble: CHORUS

Mary: You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind

Ciara: If you fall, dust it off

Mary: You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah

Mary: Let your heart be your guide

Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah yeah yeah

Mariah: And you will know that you're good if you trust in the good

Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart

Mary: And it will get better

Mariah: Through whatever

CHORUS

Fergie : You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within
Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!!

This just shows that even though we have/ had cancer... it's not the end of life... keep pushing..

BEIXIAOYING TOWN, China (Aug. 21) - Dutch swimmer Maarten van der Weijden already fought back from leukemia. An open water fight hardly compared.

Oblivious to the kicking, slapping and pushing going on between the race favorites, the 6-foot-9 (2.05-meter) Van der Weijden won the inaugural Olympic men's 10-kilometer open water marathon under a steady rain Thursday. "The leukemia taught me to think step by step," Van der Weijden said. "When you're laying in the hospital bed and feeling so much pain and feeling so tired, you don't want to think about next week or next month, you're only thinking about the next hour." Van der Weijden was diagnosed with leukemia in 2001, came back in 2003 and began swimming faster than before. He now says he has "totally recovered" from the illness. He commits a large portion of his time to raising awareness about leukemia, and raised $73, 670 with a charity swim in 2004. "You lay in your bed and just wait," he added. "It's almost the same strategy I've used here - to stay in the pack, to be patient, and stay easy just waiting for your chance." Gradually moving up to the front throughout the race, Van der Weijden won a three-way sprint by taking a more direct line to the finish, skirting just inside the final red buoy to grab gold.

 David Davies of Britain and Thomas Lurz of Germany drifted to the outside at the finish and settled for silver and bronze. "If there is anyone in the field that can beat me, that guy is an absolute legend," Davies said of van der Weijden. "He's a great guy. He's obviously been to the depths in his personal life and to come back is a great story. Lance Armstrong epic." After the win, van der Weijden raised his arms in the air and pumped his fists as he walked around the dock. He was hoisted on the shoulders of his teammates and pointed a finger toward to sky to show he was No. 1. "Because of the treatment I got, the stem cell transplants, I had the luck to recover," van der Weijden said. "The stem cell transplants are because of research worldwide for cancer. So everyone who donates money, donated money in the past, I'm grateful too or otherwise I wouldn't be here."

HEY everyone~!!!

I just wanted to stop by and say hello. it has been a LLLOOONNNGGG time since my last post.. and i am super sorry... Things got really crazy for me for a little bit and i closed off......I will go into the details later.. like this weekend.. but i just want to let you know i have beeen trying to keep up with everyones post... and i am really going to try hard to get back inot the sing of things and post and comment more frequently~!

In thoughts and prayers ALWAYS~!